Succession ended this week, and I’ve been reading a lot of opinions from people who watched only the first few episodes of the first season or “dipped in and out.” These are really the best takes, because who better than to pass judgment on an entire work of art than someone who only got a good look at Mona Lisa’s elbow?

In that vein, I know I’m A-1 certified to be able to tell you with certainty and zero doubt that Yellowstone is trash. How do I know this and why should you trust my judgment? Well, for one thing, I have a blog. For another, I put the pilot episode on about nine months ago and fell asleep fifteen minutes in.

Do I remember much of what I saw during those fifteen minutes? I do not, but isn’t that, in and of itself, damning evidence of the show’s quality?

Do I recall being offended/appalled/bored while watching that quarter hour of television? No, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have been eventually, and my choice to be pre-annoyed by a show is my right as an American.

What really cheesed me off, though, was how I had to watch it on Peacock, with the commercials. Who has the time?? And for that, I must downgrade the show to a D-minus. I’m sorry, but my hands are tied.

In conclusion, if you enjoy Yellowstone, you must be an ignorant pleb, because I, an person with a computer keyboard and a Peacock subscription, was not able to finish one episode, because sleepy time.

Up next: My thoughts on Barry. I watched every episode of the show. Yes, I slept through 75% of them.